Lately I've been having panic attacks. Not big,OMG I can't believe this is happening ones,just little random ones. Like I'll be sitting in chemistry a friend walks up and says hi and my heart starts beating quick and i feel like I'm gonna pass out. I don't really wanna tell anybody this has been happening, i think it's kinda embarrassing.
Also,there's a boy. Because of course what would life be without a male to complicate it. Some days he's my best friend we talk about random stuff, laugh and joke around. Then there's his bad side. That's who I see most. Rude,selfish,no sense of humor. A completely different person and he won't even talk to me sometimes like I made him mad. Most would be like nah,he's not worth it but I've seen the goodness and the love so I can't just let go. I wish we could all be the people everyone else wants us to be. Then disappointment wouldn't exist,or would it? Agh I don't know.
I haven't been to school in four days. We got like an eighth of an inch of snow so of course no school in Oklahoma. Cabin fever has set in and I miss going to school. I miss my friends, i miss cracking jokes in class for an hour. But most of all I miss math class. Equations are like my best friends, puzzles but you can somehow find a solution to. HA, I'm such a nerd. I'm having an anti-social few weeks though. I don't text or call back,I'm refusing to go places with people and when I do go somewhere I just sit there and breathe and don't talk. Maybe its pms, i don't know.
I find myself waiting for summer,praying it comes quick, thinking about new outfits i'm gonna wear and places I'll be. This summer will be the time for me to get a job. Something to do during the day besides ruin my mind with reality tv. And I need to start working out so I can lose some of my arm fat. By the way, that's like the one thing I'm self conscious about. I have big arms. The funny thing is nobody says anything about it. Its just me in my mind freaking out about how my arms look in a shirt. Most of the time I'm just being a silly girl. But who doesn't do that, you know besides boys.
Now I need to do my history notes, tell Ta'chelle about my random myspace message, CLEAN MY ROOM(its a sad,sad mess), fix my remote,get more sleep. I'm going to start on the sleep.
Your resident loveaholic,
Level;)
1 year ago
