H8 is the New Love

Today was a day.Good or bad I'm not entirely sure.I am missing my favorite tv shows right now but i had to get some shit off my chest.That guy?I am now dreaming about him and waking up and wishing it was real.I seriously thought I was over this.If he read this he'd be so flattered.He talked to me for like five minutes today,the most he's talked to me in like a year. Hurts my feelings ya know.Then me and b made fun of him and it made me feel better.Thanks for being a good friend.Its like she knew what was on my mind and how to get it off.
Then I go to english and laughed with J.We don't get along the majority of the time but its mostly jokes.He made me laugh for like an hour straight.Plus Ethan Frome is a hilarious movie.I probably shouldn't have been laughing at a poor crippled man.I think i'm gonna take pictures with my tweety bird tomorrow.I love that thing.And I want to move to DC or at least visit.Just to listen to the radio.I believe the only way you experience a city is listening to the radio.And Wale is like my new favorite rapper hence the name of this blog.I don't really know what the purpose of this shit was.So i guess this was a freewrite.I miss doing that in english.Mine used to be filled with rainbows and crazy shit. I should've kept some of those.I have a shitload of homework to do.Maybe i'll do it all in the morning.Shit I want to go to ihop. I think me and my mama should go there tomorrow. That's my nigga,well at least sometimes.I have yet to write about my hundred dollars i can promise that will be next. This wasn't a post for that.

Your resident loveaholic,
Level

Its Cool,I Got It

Lately I've been having panic attacks. Not big,OMG I can't believe this is happening ones,just little random ones. Like I'll be sitting in chemistry a friend walks up and says hi and my heart starts beating quick and i feel like I'm gonna pass out. I don't really wanna tell anybody this has been happening, i think it's kinda embarrassing.
Also,there's a boy. Because of course what would life be without a male to complicate it. Some days he's my best friend we talk about random stuff, laugh and joke around. Then there's his bad side. That's who I see most. Rude,selfish,no sense of humor. A completely different person and he won't even talk to me sometimes like I made him mad. Most would be like nah,he's not worth it but I've seen the goodness and the love so I can't just let go. I wish we could all be the people everyone else wants us to be. Then disappointment wouldn't exist,or would it? Agh I don't know.
I haven't been to school in four days. We got like an eighth of an inch of snow so of course no school in Oklahoma. Cabin fever has set in and I miss going to school. I miss my friends, i miss cracking jokes in class for an hour. But most of all I miss math class. Equations are like my best friends, puzzles but you can somehow find a solution to. HA, I'm such a nerd. I'm having an anti-social few weeks though. I don't text or call back,I'm refusing to go places with people and when I do go somewhere I just sit there and breathe and don't talk. Maybe its pms, i don't know.
I find myself waiting for summer,praying it comes quick, thinking about new outfits i'm gonna wear and places I'll be. This summer will be the time for me to get a job. Something to do during the day besides ruin my mind with reality tv. And I need to start working out so I can lose some of my arm fat. By the way, that's like the one thing I'm self conscious about. I have big arms. The funny thing is nobody says anything about it. Its just me in my mind freaking out about how my arms look in a shirt. Most of the time I'm just being a silly girl. But who doesn't do that, you know besides boys.
Now I need to do my history notes, tell Ta'chelle about my random myspace message, CLEAN MY ROOM(its a sad,sad mess), fix my remote,get more sleep. I'm going to start on the sleep.
Your resident loveaholic,
Level;)

WAKE UP!!!

Now here I am making it seem like this is gonna be some life changing post and you're gonna feel empowered by the end.Truth is,I'm feeling a little lost.I'm wondering when I started on this path of obvious evolution from the person I was.So I went to the obvious place you go to when times are rough, I went to church and perfect for me we were talking about friendship.And it got me on a whole search to see if the people I'm quick to say are my friends really care about me.Plus I realized Becka really is one of my best friends.Ah now here I am talking about her as if we should all know her.She's not your stereotypical white church girl;she's not walking around trying to prove that she's better than you yet there are some people that don't like her.HA,sucks for them.Anyway there we are talking about what's an authentic friendship and I realize that she's one of them.She listens to all of my dumb,trivial stories like they're the most riveting thing she'll hear all week.Long story short,I wish everyone could know and understand her like I do but you can't always have what you want.
Church wasn't the end of my search.I've realized that when I get into bed I sit for hours trying to decipher who I really am.I know I like to go out and party blah,blah,blah.But I know those aren't the sole focus of my life.In no way have I figured this whole thing out,hell this whole post is scattered like my whole being is right now.I guess this was supposed to help me vent and now the whole point has gone askew.Anyway have a love-filled MLK day.

Your resident loveaholic/lovehater,
Level

Let's Reach Out and Love One Another;)

Oh snap,first blog ever. So I'm guessing I should introduce myself and all that. But that's a little too boring for me. I'm Laila, i'm sixteen and insane.
But let's get down to the nitty gritty. Why am I a loveaholic? Well plain and simple I think that love makes the world go round. I'm quite possibly the most lovey dovey person you'll ever meet. But trust me, I am in no way completely absorbed in this fantasy world where prince charming comes,sweeps me off my feet and we live happily ever after. I live in the real world just like you and I've seen too many hearts get broken for me to fall into the fairytale trap. For me love isn't limited to your "soul mate". I love my best friends,my family, hell I even love inanimate objects. And I guess that's where the insane part comes in.
I've been thinking recently about my future. Oklahoma is in one simple word,a trap. People get sucked into living here their whole lives here and most don't even travel the world. I want to do something different. Six years here will be enough countryness for me. So where am i choosing to go to college? Why Atlanta of course. I'm sure you're thinking "Atlanta's in the south too." But supposedly it's like no other southern city and truth is, I'm looking for adventure. So I'm planning on finishing high school, packing up my things and heading off to the place in my dreams. I guess I'm just like my mama, can't stay in one place too long or I'll feel like I'm missing out on something.
But in order for me to follow this fantastic dream of leaving Oklahoma, I need to focus on school so I'm signing off to go and overdose on Chem homework.
Until next time,
Your resident loveaholic
Level