Lemme grade you,give a report card.

i'm an asshole.yeah i'll come right out and say it.i'll make fun of you and gossip about you.now this not might be that a bad thing except for the fact that i have absolutely remorse about it.for me its just a fact of life.most of my friends tell me"you know why i love you? cause you're so rude and you just don't care."i wonder when i'll progress out of this constant asshole state. i can't even be nice to my mama. while she isn't the gentlest person on earth she deserves better than my treatment to her.but i guess i'm like that girl in fahrenheit 451,seventeen and insane because apparently those two go together.
along with being an asshole,i'm lonely.my friends go out and conveniently forget to invite me or make plans with me right there but i'm not invited.and i'm not the type to invite myself along.and of course every dude i like is an asshole just like me that i can't stand most of the time.i'm just like my mama with bad taste in men and a poor disposition.but i'm done pitying myself.pity parties aren't all they're cracked up to be.
i've been trying to get my permit, cause my mama just bought me a car.yeah i'm spoiled. its a chrysler 300:) i wonder what i'll name it. and yes i name everything. i even had a pimple named joaquin, he left after two days.
my gossip-ing is catching up with me.i told this secret about this boy and his sexual escapades and he found out.he was "mad" at me for like an hour but i guess i've learned my lesson. i know if i do it again the next person won't be so nice about it. and i'm trying my hardest to make my friendships stronger but i have trust issues like you wouldn't believe. i don't let people take me home from school cause i'm afraid they'll resent driving me or i just don't feel like i'm worth it. maybe my mama raised me to be too independent.i have a to-do list a mile long and that's number one. sometimes i have to remind myself that some things are out of my hands.i stay up at night still worrying about everything in life,even unimportant things.
regardless of what people think,i'm sensitive as hell.i'll cry if i think i hurt your feelings,which doesn't really go along with me being an asshole but whatever.and some people like to see me down. it gives them pleasure to know that little miss perfect is having a breakdown. i don't know why people think i'm so perfect but they're wrong. for my sixteenth birthday, my mom went to pick my sister up from jail.i spent my summer in a courtroom with her constantly. but nobody knows that. all they know is that i put a smile on my face and walk around like everything is just peachy. but i'm just faking it till i make it.
on a lighter note,its almost spring break and i'm going to a wedding. never in my short-legged life have i been to one.i'm so excited about it, plus i get to wear a dress. i'll probably post pictures of the road trip and of my new car.i think that's all for now.



Your resident loveaholic,
Level:)
P.S: Thanks to everybody that has good music on your blog,you make me happy in my heart.

hey kid,plural.

I'm tired and I haven't written on here in twelve days i think. I guess its cause I'm a busy bee. I sang at our school's Valentine's Day assembly and my mama even came. SHOCKER! lol, but seriously people haven't stopped coming up to me randomly and giving me compliments. I don't know how I feel about this. I mean its good cause I'll never front and act like I don't like the attention but I just feel like the singing was normal and what not. i feel like dude in superbad when they're talking about the guy with the amazing voice. And people keep asking me to sing for them. Ha, I don't even sing for my family. which I guess is retarded cause I sang for my whole school but whatever. I'm gonna figure out how to put up the video of me singing from my phone so I can post it on here.
"This is the guy with the beautiful voice!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5zDOjgTY_A
go watch it!

But anyway, I've been thinking about what kind of person I am. You know there's the girly one, tomboy and so on. I'm in the middle. I don't like wearing sneakers that much anymore but never will I wear a dress. You get the point. I can't even categorize my style. You know how you read magazines and they say oh she's punk and she's urban, well how do they come up with those. I'm starting to think somebody just pulled those classifications out of their ass. And I'm starting to wonder how I even got the friends I have. Like some of them are just beautiful and others are tall and thin like models and I'm there short, kinda stumpy with short hair and not half as cute clothes. We sit with all these guys at lunch and sometimes I'm just quiet feeling like I don't belong. I seriously feel like if it we weren't friends, I'd hate them. I can only imagine what our whole group looks like from the outside.
You may have noticed I didn't say anything about v-day. I got a purse from my mom and slept all day,it was wack. And that's about it. But my purse is freaking cute:) Now I'm going to bed or to watch some reality tv, my sad obsession.

Your resident loveaholic,

Level;)

burnin' up for youu babyy:)

I'm a nerd and I'm feeling very positive. Although today B told me somebody was telling how my paper got shredded. So rude. Anyways my back hurts really bad lately. I wonder if my boobs are getting too big, or if I just need to work out more. Probably the latter.
Anyway, I'm on my mom's computer aka the good one. I'm starving and I really want to take a nap today. AP Chem test today was brutal. I got in there and went a little blank. Then of course somebody finishes in like twenty minutes and I was like oop,better hurry up. I'm feeling a C coming on. Usually I'm right about these things.
You know what really grinds my gears? Guys who try to be so cool when they talk to you and it doesn't work so you just end up laughing at them. This guy comes to ask me for help in class and he was trying to be so cool and clever and I just thought he looked kinda goofy.But I was nice and just smiled and helped him. I just feel like they should be themselves because I'm more likely to be interested in you then. And I really thought girls were the only ones who did that,but apparently not.
Occasionally, I wish my car rides home with B were longer so we could talk more. We have freaking funny conversations. Like today we talked about guy mood swings, which come more often than a girl's but last for a shorter time.She's cool people.
I can't wait for the spring talent show, so I can sing. In no way would I say I was the best, but when I sing I get everything out. Happy or sad, I'm better when I've been singing. But when I'm angry, that's a totally different voice. Way more aggressive. My mom thinks its funny. And she said she's not taking anything from me since I started cleaning my room, thank goodness. Now all I have to do is fold clothes, sweep the floor and mop. Three hours tops. I think I'll do it Friday.
It's the fourth day of black history month, I'm happy:)

Your resident loveaholic:),

Level

eff me,right?

I'm in a bad place. Right about now I want to curl up inot a ball and cry. Shit I'm hoping its PMS. Its not taking much to make me emotional, to make me want to run away. Forgive me if I'm not making sense, I'm holding back the waterworks as we speak. I need sleep, I need a hug. Student council couldn't even take my mind off it.
I let somebody copy my work, long story short mine got shredded by teacher.She told me not to let anyone use my mind. As long as I still have the shit why does that matter. Oh how I wish it was spring so I could go sit outside. I just need to do schoolwork. I need some motivation. That shouldn't make me feel like this. Maybe its me listening to everybody talking about their prom dates and I know I won't have one. I should just take Mad-nut. She's better than a boyfriend anyway. I'm just feeling lonely and needy.
My mama sweating me about cleaning my room. Yeah I'm a girl the shit should be clean but damn. I simply don't have time to clean it and she keep going in there to upset herself even more. Telling me she taking my phone,I could care less. I'll care when she takes my zune, then we'll have a problem. I still feel like breaking down. I haven't cried in weeks. Stuff just isn't going right. And only one person cares. Thanks becks:)

Your resident down-in-the-dumps Loveaholic,

Level:)