Lemme grade you,give a report card.

i'm an asshole.yeah i'll come right out and say it.i'll make fun of you and gossip about you.now this not might be that a bad thing except for the fact that i have absolutely remorse about it.for me its just a fact of life.most of my friends tell me"you know why i love you? cause you're so rude and you just don't care."i wonder when i'll progress out of this constant asshole state. i can't even be nice to my mama. while she isn't the gentlest person on earth she deserves better than my treatment to her.but i guess i'm like that girl in fahrenheit 451,seventeen and insane because apparently those two go together.
along with being an asshole,i'm lonely.my friends go out and conveniently forget to invite me or make plans with me right there but i'm not invited.and i'm not the type to invite myself along.and of course every dude i like is an asshole just like me that i can't stand most of the time.i'm just like my mama with bad taste in men and a poor disposition.but i'm done pitying myself.pity parties aren't all they're cracked up to be.
i've been trying to get my permit, cause my mama just bought me a car.yeah i'm spoiled. its a chrysler 300:) i wonder what i'll name it. and yes i name everything. i even had a pimple named joaquin, he left after two days.
my gossip-ing is catching up with me.i told this secret about this boy and his sexual escapades and he found out.he was "mad" at me for like an hour but i guess i've learned my lesson. i know if i do it again the next person won't be so nice about it. and i'm trying my hardest to make my friendships stronger but i have trust issues like you wouldn't believe. i don't let people take me home from school cause i'm afraid they'll resent driving me or i just don't feel like i'm worth it. maybe my mama raised me to be too independent.i have a to-do list a mile long and that's number one. sometimes i have to remind myself that some things are out of my hands.i stay up at night still worrying about everything in life,even unimportant things.
regardless of what people think,i'm sensitive as hell.i'll cry if i think i hurt your feelings,which doesn't really go along with me being an asshole but whatever.and some people like to see me down. it gives them pleasure to know that little miss perfect is having a breakdown. i don't know why people think i'm so perfect but they're wrong. for my sixteenth birthday, my mom went to pick my sister up from jail.i spent my summer in a courtroom with her constantly. but nobody knows that. all they know is that i put a smile on my face and walk around like everything is just peachy. but i'm just faking it till i make it.
on a lighter note,its almost spring break and i'm going to a wedding. never in my short-legged life have i been to one.i'm so excited about it, plus i get to wear a dress. i'll probably post pictures of the road trip and of my new car.i think that's all for now.



Your resident loveaholic,
Level:)
P.S: Thanks to everybody that has good music on your blog,you make me happy in my heart.